Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
