I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
