Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
