New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
