Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
