You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
