wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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