my being single is dangerous.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
