No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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