I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
