I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
