not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
