I'm so fucking centered right now
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
