his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
