She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
