is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
