Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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