apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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