needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize