you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she looked like the before picture.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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