Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
