wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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