Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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