im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you had me at cake vodka
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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