I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
