Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
