angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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