I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
