My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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