I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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