I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
