Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
