Pappa wants mamma naked
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
