it's like iHOP with fire
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
