And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
