I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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