He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
