So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
