Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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