McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
