No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
