Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize