mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize