So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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