Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
