The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
