If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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