kristin has been a bad kristin
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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