Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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