just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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