Define "chronic" masturbator.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
