You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
