I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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