Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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