just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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