I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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