he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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