is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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