this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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