I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
