New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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