once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
