my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
