Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
