So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
