I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
