I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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