Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
