I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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