Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
