I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
