he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize