Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i think i have two assholes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
