how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
