I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
